it's been 8+ years since i've started working and it's still like the first year - discovering that i can buy what i want when i want to is exhilirating!
however, i think randomly at times if i may be compensating with 'stuff' instead of things that matter... if my good vibes from a purchase or having gotten a 'deal' makes up for the lack of meaningful friendships and relationships in my life... kind of like a bandaid over a few gaps in life... a pretty Hello Kitty themed bandaid, but nevertheless a cover-up if you will...

in the interest of experiment (and proving i can do it) i'm going to try not to 'buy' anything except the essentials for a month. meaning meals and groceries, but no clothing, makeup... (of course i just spent some money at MAC's 25% off sale, so i'm getting a head start...) I wonder if i will find other fulfillments.

I'm reading my friend Birdy's log, and she writes very deep & insightful thoughts about life, emotions, friendships... and reminded me that once upon a time i kept diaries and journals and write daily on a blog. gone are those days and i want them back - they are witnesses to the happenings of my life and thoughts, however immature or mundane... it is nice to find your way back through your words and rediscover old feelings.

as i look FORWARD, i wonder what 2009 will hold. i'm still a bit too chicken to say what i mean most of the time. i know that's what i need to work on. in general 2008 was a good year. but i feel like life had frozen for a year and i hadn't advanced anywhere in terms of 'milestones'. not that it bothers me greatly... but it's nice to set some goals, just to know how far you've travelled and how far you have to go towards something.