25 very random notes about moi

1. people don't believe i used to be quiet and mousey, unless you haven't seen me since high school. if you haven't seen me since high school: you probably don't believe i'm no longer quiet and mousey, and i sometimes talk too much.

2. i've never learned to sew but wish i had, i both love and hate things that makes me appear 'domestic'.

3. i love hockey, i love all things hockey, i wish i learned to play and skate when i was younger. i never understood sports fanaticism until i started playing.

4. i make the best packaged ramen noodles of anyone i know.

5. i like really lame music. like r&b and michael bubble, and 80s ballads. it's only in the recent years that i've begun to listen to cooler music. Bloodhound Gang makes me laugh, and i like System of a Down.

6. i'm a lousy patient, i whine and complain a lot when i'm sick. i'll want my blankie and snuggling.

7. there are days where i crave nothing more than a chick flicks marathon and cuddling up on the couch with hot chocolate.

8. in recent years i've come to discover that i love the sci-fi genre. Firefly, Stargate, Battlestar Galatica, Torchwood. bad influence from my geeky friends.

9. i love to cook. i love to look at food pictures, and read food reviews, and watch the food channel and watch food being prepared. i have a gazillion cookbooks but probably have only made 5 recipes from them - total.

10. i've never owned a doll. of any type. no barbies or cabbage patch. and i find the collectible dolls scary. even before there was Chucky.

11. i detest high maintenance people. there is absolutely no room for 2 divas in my friendships and relationships.

12. my cupboards are filled with stuff that i won't ever get to use - i hoard food products. if there were ever a disaster i would be the last one on my block to have to be a cannibal. i have an unreasonable fear of being hungry and without food. i SAID it was unreasonable.

13. i have killed my pet turtles in the past by starvation. i am a bad person for this, and have tried to make up for the bad turtles karma ever since. i have been mercilessly taunted by friends about this in recent years - i consider this part of my cosmic karmic community service/payback.

14. i love star gazing in the countryside where all is dark and you feel the summer wind and the stars illuminate the night sky. i don't get to do this often enough.

15. i have no idea how to make a manicure last. my best record is 2 days without smudges, chips and scratches.

16. i drink coffee with a straw not because it's trendy or cool (like SATC) - but because i have ruined many a good sweaters dribbling and drooling without one.

17. i have fears that my family and friends don't know just how much i love them, and fears that i don't know how to communicate that enough.

18. i'm a food snob. i'm a bagel snob, almond croissant snob, baguette snob - everything tastes better in Montreal. but i'm learning to be more epicureanly tolerant.

19. i've zip-lined, rappelled, trapezeed, caved, rock climbed, rafted, skiied, snowboarded, skated, dragonboated, outriggered, snorkeled. there are many other adventurous things i'd love to try.

20. outside of north america, and hong kong, i've never travelled anywhere else - i plan to rectify this before i die.

21. i enjoy country line dancing more than i care to admit, the dancing which my mom has been taking lessons for at least 5 years. i am THAT fashionable & cool.

22. i enjoy sunsets and walks on the beaches and rainbows and puppies, much like the majority of prison immate penpal ads.

23. i seem to have a thing for men in power - Captain Jack Sparrows, Captain Patrick Marleau, Captrain Jack Harkness, Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

24. i have no problems eating foie gras even though i will almost always refuse to eat veal based on principles. i know that's oxymoronic, yes.

25. i will always be here when you need me, promise.

it's been 8+ years since i've started working and it's still like the first year - discovering that i can buy what i want when i want to is exhilirating!
however, i think randomly at times if i may be compensating with 'stuff' instead of things that matter... if my good vibes from a purchase or having gotten a 'deal' makes up for the lack of meaningful friendships and relationships in my life... kind of like a bandaid over a few gaps in life... a pretty Hello Kitty themed bandaid, but nevertheless a cover-up if you will...

in the interest of experiment (and proving i can do it) i'm going to try not to 'buy' anything except the essentials for a month. meaning meals and groceries, but no clothing, makeup... (of course i just spent some money at MAC's 25% off sale, so i'm getting a head start...) I wonder if i will find other fulfillments.

I'm reading my friend Birdy's log, and she writes very deep & insightful thoughts about life, emotions, friendships... and reminded me that once upon a time i kept diaries and journals and write daily on a blog. gone are those days and i want them back - they are witnesses to the happenings of my life and thoughts, however immature or mundane... it is nice to find your way back through your words and rediscover old feelings.

as i look FORWARD, i wonder what 2009 will hold. i'm still a bit too chicken to say what i mean most of the time. i know that's what i need to work on. in general 2008 was a good year. but i feel like life had frozen for a year and i hadn't advanced anywhere in terms of 'milestones'. not that it bothers me greatly... but it's nice to set some goals, just to know how far you've travelled and how far you have to go towards something.

i've read somewhere that the new year makes people realize that they have gotten older and inspired them to make resolutions (the majority of which can't be kept since these are more lifestyle changes and are a habit... apparently it takes 21 days for your body to establish a habit.)

anyways, i don't know what i was doing with the writing down my food intake. that's never going to work. i never finish a full meal, a tall latte or an entire chocolate bar, so it's hard to measure the amount of calories i intake every day.

next item on the agenda - i'm going to try to start the HABIT of writing more on this blog. so many times i'm like, i should write that down.. but i don't.
and then i wish i did so i can 'monitor my growth' and see how i feel at various points of my life.

ok so i have the iposture thing. i know it's gimmicky, but hey if it works then great! it's sort of a 'level' for you to set at a good 'posture'. then if you violate the posture for 60 seconds or more it'll send a mild buzz to remind you. then you sit up and it doesn't buzz anymore. i'm hoping the better posture will help with the shoulder pains.
also have been doing Pilates class with Nanci. i realized that i love it.. it's so low impact, but it's a variety so even if some exercises are hard, they are only 1 or 2 minutes of it before we switch. and there's such a variety of types of workouts, i don't like the "mens reformer" as much, and love the "jumping" workout - apparently you can jump lying down on a Pilates machine - AND it feels so free. Plus Nanci said ballerinas do this workout so they can master the legwork of multiple criss-crossing in the air before they really get in the air!

i've been trying to cook at home more. it costs so much to go eat out, and honestly i never finish meals so i have leftovers, which i don't end up eating because i'm eating out again the next day. trying to trim a bit of money. let's see how it goes.

since i've watched many times Gilmore Girls and Anne of Green Gables... so i figured it'll be in the mix of Amy's favorites to rewatch. Randomly i put in a disc and let it play on TV if i have no patience to watch an entire movie or episode of something new that requires following a story line. I do that to my favorite Maeve Binchy books too. i can grab any one of them and randomly open a page to continue to read - her stories are that rich and intertwined.

Been thinking about reading Twilight but it's been so hyped up i wonder would i be able to be unbias. haven't read many other books lately... but want to read more this year.

8am meetings are difficult enough.
to be sent the meeting request at 3:20am (of course, the person who sent it is in IDC).

usually arriving at 9am, i came in for an 8:30am meeting today, because it was on my calendar yesterday. giving me a mere 5 hour of heads up is on the slight unrealistic side (i have many meetings and projects to get to, rather than to carve out time for the last minute invites)...
but to expect me to know to check my email before 8am and be there, or dial in...

i know i was listed as optional, but the faux pas still exist, you just shouldn't do that... it's disrespectful of people's time and not playing nicely with the 'global peers'.
argh.

Pandora played this song today... it's so cute. the Frank Sinatra version...

Would you like to swing on a star
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a mule?

A mule is an animal with long funny ears
Kicks up at anything he hears
His back is brawny and his brain is weak
He's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak
And by the way, if you hate to go to school
You may grow up to be a mule

Or would you like to swing on a star
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a pig?

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
His shoes are a terrible disgrace
He ain't got no manners when he eats his food
He's fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don't care a feather or a fig
You may grow up to be a pig

Or would you like to swing on a star
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a fish?

A fish won't do anything, but swim in a brook
He can't write his name or read a book
And to fool the people is his only thought
And though he's slippery, he still gets caught
But then if that sort of life is what you wish
You may grow up to be a fish

And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see it's all up to you
You can be better than you are
You could be swingin' on a star

i mentioned i wanted to do ALL THIS STUFF when my crutch days are over... i've found myself hoping that everything will heal nicely so that i'm done in a few weeks, good as new. and i am thankful even though i'm in a cast that i can at least be mobile, driving and especially with a good knee.

in the next 4 weeks i would like to

• figure out a 2 year or so plan for the future for the big milestones... like possibility of looking at buying a place, really getting finances together, bills, and looking at budgeting properly.
• figure out a follow-able routine for chores, from laundry, to dishes, to vaccum, and cleaning that works with my schedule. possibly pick up a steamer for clothes and take better care and also throw out stuff i don't need, reduce reduce reduce
• figure out my business casual clothing style. i love Maria in West Side Story's dress, love Audrey Hepburn's styles in her movies including Roman Holiday
• look at growing an herb in the aeroponics kit i bought
• figure out a daily vitamine & water drinking schedule that works with my lifestyle
• figure out a workout weekly schedule that works with my lifestyle
• walk the Nike Women's Half Marathon
• go to Colorado for the Grace Hopper 2008 conference
• figure out plans for christmas, for All Stars game in Montreal, for possible April in Europe for sabbatical
• keep in touch better with friends like Paras and Kae Chy
• try to meet more people outside of work
• keep in touch better with long distance friends like Ange, Karen, Susan, Jason, Andrew, Daichi
• keep in touch better with family, the folks, and Dan
• take more pictures, print more pictures, make scrapbook or frame them
• learn more about taking care or upkeeping a house, go to more Open houses, learn about buying a house and deals
  

i guess i was always daddy's girl...
he would always sneak me some extra pocket money for my allowance when mom wasn't looking (although i think she kind of knew that)... it's like a gulf of ocean to communicate with each other when your daughter is growing up with raging hormonal changes, and unpredictable mood swings... like every other teenager on the block.

when the teenager's angst revolve around doing well in school, choosing a career path for LIFE, leading by good example for her sibling, breaking out with acne on the face and feeling like that's the only thing anyone can see, gaining weight and trying to maintain a balance in this anorexic fashion world, crushing on some boy or other in class, end-of-the-world drama with friends... it's hard to relate to each other every day.

i remember i would worry about my parents safety when, inevitably, there would be night robberies at knife or gun-point, or break-ins after dark when drunken criminals threw rocks and bricks at the store.

Recently i was at a Baskin Robbins store on a weekend... i looked over and there at a booth sat a pair of asian father-daughter... the dad wordlessly watching in total contentment his 10 year old daughter, who was demolishing the ice cream cone with total happiness. she had a backpack on, and he held her nintendo gameboy in a plastic ziplock bag. it touched me beyond words because it was such a tender moment for the dad... he is able to provide his daughter's happiness, and he knew it, and she was totally content. as i sat there, i think, give it another year or so, and the ice cream will no longer be a sufficient solution for the girl's happiness. it won't be her fault nor his, but they were close to a turning point in life where growing up and hormones will drive them apart soon. looking at them, it made me miss my own dad.

he had told the story of when i was young (maybe 6-7 years old), the neighbour woman would pick me up from school along with her own boy, and babysit us until my parents came home from work to get me. one day, dad had the day off (he works nights as a bartender), and instead of coming to pick me up himself, he wanted to just observe my typical day.

he followed us from school, which was only a block away from home. the street hawkers selling curry fishballs and deep fry turkey legs were always outside the theatre (which we pass by every day). on that particular day, the neighbour kid wanted curry fishballs, so we stopped at the hawkers's cart. his mom bought him some, and i wanted them too, but she only bought it for her son and told me i can't have any. as we walked up the hill towards our building, my dad appeared, reprimanded the neighbour lady ("it was so cheap, and kids don't know better, she doesn't know why she couldn't get to eat the curry fishballs but that your son can, how can you do this to a kid?").
He picked me up in his arms, and we walked back to the street hawker, where he bought me 2 skewers of curry fishballs...

i had vague memories of the events, except somewhere between his storytelling and my fuzzy memories, i see the images of being in his arms, and holding the 2 skewers of curry fishballs in my little hands.

i hope my dad knows how much i love him, even through the mist of adulthood, living on the other coast in a different country, and the gulf that divided us when i was a teenager... i'll probably call him this week.